QUESTION:

I’m Sixty-Six and recently divorced. I’m living by myself after forty-six years of marriage. While I don’t want to get back with my Ex, I don’t want to feel so alone. Can you give me some ideas?

 

ANSWER:

Thank you for your question. I am hearing this topic more and more from women and men, fifty and older who have had long marriages, and for various reasons are deciding to leave and not try to work through past challenges or misunderstandings. The underlying reason seems to be that these individuals want more out of life.

 

One of the first steps in starting a new way of life, or perhaps you might say, re-inventing yourself, is to look at your choices and what most makes you happy. Often when you are looking for more joy, self-esteem, or inner worth… it’s about connecting with people, events, and choices that you previously didn’t allow yourself to acknowledge.

 

Here are some points to consider as you embark into fully realizing your inner potential, maximize the joy within you, and connect with people that truly make you feel fulfilled.

 

First: Take a short cruise or vacation from your current surroundings. The Holland America Cruise Line is designed to cater to individuals who are “older” yet still fully young within. For women, there is a program that offers male companionship, through dancing, dinner, and talk, so that taking a cruise isn’t a lonely event. My husband and I have taken five Holland America cruises around the world, and I have seen how this program can put the smile back onto a widow’s face or divorcee. It can be a cultured and self-reinventing adventure in which you can make new friends and realize the future is yours to create. Dean Kurhani is pleased to hear your questions. You can get more information and your questions answered through dkurhani@hollandamerica.com.  Often by getting time away from every day routines, and meeting new faces, this allows for new choices that are positive and self-reinforcing.

 

Second: Spend time in nature so that your world is not just dishes, errands, paying bills, and thinking about the past. Nature offers a wonderful avenue for seeing the beauty all around you. It encourages you to walk, exercise, and feel in touch with the moment.

 

Third: Use the power of prayer. I fully believe in the power of prayer, using affirmations and creating intentions that focus on what you truly want and desire. There are three basic prayers that I encourage since they are simple and always available.

  • Remote prayer: This when others prayer for you and you are not aware of it.
  • Group prayer: This is asking for others to pray for you and accepting their prayers.
  • Personal prayer: This is your personal prayers to a higher power.

It is amazing what the power of prayer can do. You can attract new people into your life. You can gain inner hope. You can take action with inner faith and see results that are sometimes unexplainable. I cannot count the number of times clients have called me and said they used prayer as the last resort. But in fact it helped. And, now prayer is a regular part of their life.

 

Fourth: Laugher and the joy of being you. If you focus on problems you will likely continue to focus on problems. Change can be challenging. Seeing the lighter side of life can attract people who are considerate of your situation and supportive, and you can find yourself laughing instead of bemoaning your situation. Have your favorite movies, video clips, books, articles, and television shows at close hand.  Go to Playground on this website. It is designed for just that… to laugh, feel happy, be in the moment, and know that you can create a better tomorrow. I find myself laughing again and again with some of the videos I have on Playground.  (If you have a funny animal video or funny event, put it on U-Tube.)  Who knows, your talent may be chosen by my web designer, Kevin, to inspire those around the world!

 

Fifth: Believe in yourself.   This says it all!

 

Sixth: Add a companion to your life… dog, cat, bird, other. Only you can decide if this is an option you want to choose. In some cases if you are living with family, renting, or not allowed to have pets, then you may want to find other ways to be around the world of animals. My cats have given me such joy over the years. And now with Daisy Mae, two years with us, she has opened the “dog world.”  Animals can love you in ways that add so much to your life. They can continually make you feel special and appreciated.

 

Seventh: Contribute. When you contribute it comes back to you. My husband’s father, Harold died of lung cancer. His mother, Theresa stood on the corner supporting the cancer foundation and was paired frequently with Bob. They fell in love and were married. Theresa and Bob had over forty years of marriage together. They lived to be in their late eighties, very happily married. Theresa had two FANTASTIC husbands!  Wow, what a great role model. My husband Barry saw his mother in two wonderful marriages, and I can see that he believes in and understands true love.

 

Well, I hope this opens up some new doors for you, or reinforces choices that are in front of you right now. In closing, I send my best wishes to you for being yourself, believing in yourself, and not letting the past hold you back.