A New Normal: Taking My Search for Love Online

My boyfriend and I are often asked how we met. As soon as someone finds out we lived two hours apart and met later in life, they become curious about our story. When we tell them we met online it always brings a smile to their faces. It reassures them that finding true love is not only possible, it can be found online and later than you think it can.

Here’s how my own version of happily ever…with its hit and misses unfolded.     I’ve always thought it is great when couples succeed at finding love the first or second time around, when they meet in high school, the university or maybe on a blind date. But for some of us, it takes longer to get to our happy ending and to learn to date smart. I was a version of that person (which made the journey all the sweeter when I found my guy).

Looking back on it, I “put my career first” and perhaps did not recognize who the good guys were (for me). So often my “Mr Next Date” would appear at least initially to be  a knight in shining armor, only  to turn out to be just a not so good/so so choice  in tin foil.

Yes…there were boyfriends. I was fortunate enough to have had some great relationships along the way. It’s  just that none of them were right enough to be a keeper.  Over the years  I’d watched my family and friends one by one partnering up, finding their Mr/Ms. Rights.  I kept starting over.

I had long ago let go of any stigma I felt about being single. I had a successful career, mastered traveling alone, had invested in real estate and even had my own home repair tool box.

As time went on, I began to take a closer  look at who I was choosing and to question what was and wasn’t working for me. .The best boyfriends I’d had were undeniably the ones someone else had picked for me. On my own, I unwittingly tended to pick Mr Aloof & Mr Commitmentphobic, an unwise selection right out of the gate.

Whenever I spent time with happy couples   I’d ask, “ how did they know he/she was the one”? I remember them saying to  look for:” friendship on fire” and  a feeling like comfortable “old slippers”.    I noted that each of these couples, had kept an open mind about their  choices..

My girlfriend’s husband though very good looking, is several inches shorter than she is. My brother’s wife lived initially in Finland, twelve time zones away. One relative of mine, who is now happily married confided she almost passed over her husband because he had “tiny little feet!”  I resolved  not to overlook anyone and not to have a “type”.

I began to  visualize the feeling I wanted to have in a relationship. I imagined sharing my days with a partner who was not only my best friend but also someone I desired physically. I realized I wanted a “hey-honey I’m home kind of guy.”

I had no trouble with the idea of online dating. I’d long ago come to terms with the fact that though it would be nice, it was unlikely that I was going to meet someone without making some effort.  ie I  was unlikely to meet my partner in the fruit section of the grocery store, while we were both reaching  for the same cantaloupe.

I decided at my sister’s urging  to try online dating and a site with a  compatibility matching system. I wanted to open myself up to meeting as many commitment-ready men as possible. I wanted my own version of happily ever after.

   So there I was sitting in front of my computer checking out men, trying to find the cutest guy possible with the best personality traits.  I was ready to find the love of my life and was ready to be found.

  I  began my online journey.  

Along my journey I met Mr Too Eager, Mr Self Absorbed and Mr Too Serious and a couple of good guys, but they were not my Mr Right. Finally after a year, I was ready to call it quits. My sister encouraged me  not to give up.

      Then…there was Richard. He had just gone online.  I was his first and last date on the site.  I remember first seeing his picture and reading his profile. Something  jumped out at me. As far as I could tell he matched up with what I wanted in a partner.

We talked on the phone and this lead to our planning to meet.

 I think I knew almost right away that Richard was a good choice for me. He was handsome and fun and we clicked and had an easy rapport.

We started our date at  11:00am for  lunch…then went on  to take a walk..then had coffee…then appetizers  then  dinner  then coffee …and desert  . We  talked about everything: our childhood dreams, our families, and yes even  politics. We laughed. A lot.

 We began to see each other regularly. A few months later he moved in with me.

  Today: one year, three months later,

Richard is my dream & my Mr. Right.  He is different than any man I’ve been with before.  I’m drawn to him because he gives me butterflies and not because he’s hard to get, but because it feels good to be with him. It’s unlikely our paths would have crossed if I had not gone online. I’d like to believe that fate, rather than two computers, put us together, and put me with The One …but…. sometimes you have to take fate into your own hands. For had I not, I might be still looking for my comfy old slippers and longing to hear the words, “Hey honey I’m home.”

 

Tips for success online:

  • 1-Keep an open mind.
  • 2-Be genuine, tell the truth
  • 3-Ask questions that are important to you
  • 4- Consider are you ready for a relationship and can you listen and communicate well?