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Some couples live together, but sleep apart, some couples live together but keep separate finances. A growing number are sharing life together, while living apart. This new lifestyle trend is growing so quickly it’s been given its own acronym: LATS , Living Apart Together relationships. LATS are married or unmarried couples who live apart from one another, but are in a long-term committed relationship. LAT is the new age approach for couples to be together without living together.

Couples that gravitate to this lifestyle do so because it offers a good deal of individual freedom while sharing their lives with someone. It allows both people to keep their own space/home, some of their habits, privacy, sleeping habits, etc. all while having a loving, exclusive relationship.

My boyfriend/partner and I enjoy a living arrangement which has evolved into a blend of old normal and new normal trends. We follow our own 80/20% mix that fits for us. 80% of the time we spend living together and 20% of the time we’re a LAT couple, when Richard heads to his man cave…which happens to be a sailboat docked in the SF Bay.

Most relationships according to today’s statistics follow the somewhat expected pattern of evolution from dating to sleeping over then progressing to cohabitation or marriage. However, variations of the new “LAT” trend, have been meeting the needs of couples like Richard and me, as this trend makes its way around the world from movie stars to everyday people.

Our 80% Cohabitation status has taught me that

  1. In cohabitating all your sides eventually come out and you get to be who you really are. Nothing is better than being accepted, loved and validated for your true self.
  2. On the other hand you get to confront your shortcomings and to decide is this really who I want to be? Maybe I can do better and be better.
  3. It challenges your notions of what is and what is not important
  4. Negotiating to get your needs met and to fulfill another person’s needs can be deeply satisfying.
  5. Specialization and delegation of tasks can make life easier. There are real savings in terms of time, energy and effort when you partner and share life together.
  6. It is wonderful to know that someone is there to see that you made it home safely at night. You are not alone, someone cares and checks up on you.
  7. Living together and sharing love and life is an intrinsic rewarding experience in itself . You get to build a shared history together. And while the passion of the early days changes form (because when it’s later, it’s different), in many ways it’s better.

Some of the most passionate moments are passionate because you have been through so much together and you trust each other.

T&J aboard Queriiiida


And with Richard’s man cave sailboat available for Richard alone or both of us together whenever we need it…. ( so when we come back we look to each other like we used to)…. we get the best of both worlds.

So what’s the secret to a happy, successful living together or not living together arrangement? The answer is simply that there isn’t one. There are as many secrets to successful, satisfying relationship arrangements as there are couples.

I consider myself to be lucky. I found one of the good ones. I’ve found a love, in which neither of us have to leave in the morning to go home; because we are already home. It’s a great feeling. Moving in together ( along with a bit of being able to be “LATS” now and then), is the best thing I’ve ever done.